Why Do I Play Soccer?

On Sunday, I was at my bi-weekly pickup game/therapy session that is soccer with my Guatemalan buddies. I had finished lacing up my boots and started heading toward the field. On the way, some gringos playing football (not futbol but football) started hassling us about going to playing soccer with the "Mexicans."

Let me clarify, growing up playing soccer in rural West Tennessee has prepared me for the "Football v. Futbol" debate, many times over. I was not frazzled by these Frat-daddies in the least bit. But I knew the longer that I tried educate these unbelievers about the beautiful game the more soccer I would miss out on. So, when one of the MENSA candidates pipped up and asked "Why play soccer? Why don't you play football?" I simply replied "Leo Messi is why I play soccer."

They continued to shout and jump around and stand uncomfortably close to one another but I walked off knowing that if they ever took the time to look up "Leo Messi" that they would know I had won that argument, many times over.

5' 6", 21 years old, arguably the best player in the world, heralded as the "new Maradona"by the man himself, and not a hint of ego: Leo Messi.

Olympic Thoughts...

-Michael Phelps. 6 Gold Metals. 6 World Records.

-Gymnasts are some bad S.O.B.'s . You know. For guys in tights...

-When I grow up, I wanna be Michael Phelps.

-The Soccer Gods are conspiring against Team USA. Only a loss will send us out. Our two best players are suspended. Get a red card in the 4th minute and lose 2-1.

-China put on a great "firework" show during the opening ceremonies.

-China knows how to find really cute "singers."

-According to the Chinese, their women's gymnasts are "16."

-What's the swimming equivalent of "Eat my dust"? I bet Michael Phelps knows...

-Michael Phelps should take up the pummel horse and help the US men out in 2012.

NYC Trip: As transcribed from the Orient Express

My trip to NYC has ruled my life for the last few weeks so I've been M.I.A. from my blogging responsibilities. I figured this would be a good way to get back into the swing of things and let my friends/family know how the trip went. I'll break it up into a couple parts so the post isn't so long.


NYC Trip Part 1:

Pre-Trip:

• Heidi and I took this trip to not only escape from Middle TN for a couple days but also to "feel out" New York as a possible post-college destination for the two of us.
• We found bus tickets for $70 round-trip. Yes, I said round-trip.
• To continue the good fortune, Heidi's friend Whitney recently moved to NYC let us crash at her place for the week. Whitney = Best. Hostess. Ever.
  

Saturday 7/12:

• Packed our bags and said our goodbyes. Met up with our friend Veronica so she could drop us off at the bus station. After driving up and down Murfreesboro Rd. for 20 minutes we found the bus parked beside an International Grocery in Antioch.
  
• Apparently, the same people who ran the grocery store ran the bus line. Seemed shady at first, but after closer inspection it seemed much more reputable (they sold live frogs, wouldn't you trust them with your life?).
• After a quick scan of the crowd, Heidi and I concluded that out of the 40 or so passengers on the bus, there were only 3 of us who couldn't speak Mandarin. It was a little odd, to say the least.
  
• Huge delay between Cookville and Crossville. A tractor-trailer flipped and dumped a chemical that creates hydrofluoric acid when it reacts with water. Both sides of I-40 were closed.
• Wreck on the detour turned a 3 hr drive to Knoxville to ~11 hrs. Good start.

Sunday 7/13:

• Almost positive I saw a man who payed for his ticket ended up driving the bus for a shift. Apparently, on our bus the only difference between the driver and the passengers are their seats.
  
• Definitely saw the trip coordinator switch places with the current driver less than 5 miles before the Holland Tunnel. My guess is he's the only one with a driver's license.
  
• After 24 hours on a bus, we got into town 8 hrs behind schedule (8 p.m.) on Whitney's only day off. Kinda a bummer.
  
• Trip didn't conclude at Penn Station like our tickets said. Where did it end up? Chinatown, of course.
• Tired, hungry, and disoriented. Then, we see Whitney's face appear out of an endless sea of Asians. I was never so happy to see her.
  
• Tasted my first real pizza since about 2002. Passing Pizza Hut off as pizza is heresy once you've tasted the real thing.
• Went back to Whit's place and promptly passed out in my clothes. I've always been a party animal.
  

Video Games, Scratching Yourself, and Other Productive Things

As a young, American male who has been playing video games for the better part of two decades, I am living proof that video games will not ruin your life. Despite the claims to the contrary, video games are not a societal corrosive or something that bewitches our nation’s youth (Something that does bewitch our nation’s youth: Guys with mascara and girl pants. Why? I really don’t know). Regardless of the bad press, they can actually be quite a bit of fun.

I have recently forsaken video games, not because of the rage bubbling inside of me, but because of their ability to eat-up an entire day without you realizing it. Your grand plans turn into an afternoon of killing zombies and probably scratching yourself. Nothing you can put on your resume, for sure.

Seeing how it's so much easier to play a video game than read a book or any of the dozens of other things we could/should be doing it's no wonder they've become so prevalent in our culture. Imagine all of the things we could achieve if every time a gamer went to turn on their system of choice instead did something productive. Read the news. Call your mother. Floss your teeth. It doesn't matter what. Just something productive. The results would be surprising.

But every once in awhile a game comes along that makes you remember why video games are so popular in the first place. One of these games is the much-anticipated Spore by TheSims creator Will Wright. The massive single-player online game has been in development for eight years. The developers created an entire universe for the player to interact with. You begin by navigating a single-celled organism through the pitfalls of life. The single-celled organism evolves into a creature; the creature forms a tribe; the tribe evolves into a society; and the society conquers their planet then moves on to intergalactic travel. As you can tell the scope of this game is HUGE. The visuals are breath taking. But given the scope of the game, it seems safe to assume that given the popularity of the Sims series, this game will dominate people’s lives for years. The only thing certain is this game, due to be released in September, is going to be a massive hit.

Here is game designed Will Wright discussing his upcoming mega-hit:

Happy Independance Day!!

I originally wanted to write a post about music or some of the other things I have on my mind, but seeing as it is the nation's birthday I feel like there should be a red, white, & blue tinge on whatever I write.

So I set out to find the video or song or website that most embodies the America I hold so dear. There were a few ideas that had potential: The annual Nathan's hot dog eating contest (which came down to a sudden death "dog-off"); the injustice of California banning fireworks in some parts of SoCal (wildfires, shmildfires); or even a blurb about the Declaration of Independence.

But then I stumbled across YouTube gold.

In my opinion, this clip captures the essence of the current American dream: to become so wealthy and popular that nothing you do seems outlandish. We have a professional boxer in a sequined Uncle Sam costume who has become so popular his entrance involves Vegas-style dancers with peacock feathers on their heads, enough mini American flags to keep the factories in China humming for weeks, and James Brown gettin down with his bad self. How can you beat that? I'll tell ya how, by adding a splash of Cold War-ambiance circa 1985.

Enjoy.




(Oh and try and block out the memories of Apollo getting his ass handed to him.)

1st Post:

The title of my blog might be a little confusing but it's meant to be an homage to the late George Carlin.

He once asked, "Are we so much better than chickens...?", "...you don't see chickens in drug-gangs...when's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit outta his hen?"

That was the brilliance of Carlin. He could say something completely outlandish/offensive and then, through his amazing analytical skills, justify what he just said while revealing social truths about ourselves and end it all with a joke. Brilliant.

George Carlin is the inspiration for most of the people who inspire me today. He was fighting for free speech before most people knew it was something you needed to fight for. Dedicating this blog to his memory was my way of saying "Thank you" to a true American hero.

(Chickens...starts about 4 minutes in.)